EXPRESSION NOT THE LANGUAGE

In a hotel in Ahmedabad:
It Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
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In a hotel lobby in Surat:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
(Surat, the city of language obscenity)
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In the elevator in Hotel Tex Pallazo, Surat:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter
more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.
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In a hotel elevator in Baroda:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
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In a hotel in Jamnagar:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and
11 A.M. daily.
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In a hotel near Gujarat College, Ahmedabad:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
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Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
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In a hotel in Bhavanagar:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
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In a laundry in Anand:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
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In a heritage hotel in Junagadh:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
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Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of Kutch:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
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In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
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In the office of a Gynecologist in Ahmedabad:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
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In a hotel in Bharuch:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.